Return Of The Firecrotch Controversy

August 14, 2006

Lindsay Lohan

Just when Lindsay Lohan’s crotch thought it was out of the spotlight, here we are writing about it again.

It seems that Paris Hilton has decided that she and her friends didn’t get enough mileage out of the incident where Brandon Davis called Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch. They’ve done it again, only this time it’s music producer Scott Storch spouting off about Lindsay’s fiery nether-regions.

Watch the paparazzi video at tmz.com

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Lindsay Lohan’s Mom Is The White Oprah

August 11, 2006

Oprah

Lindsay Lohan’s mom, Dina, has revealed to Star Magazine that she has a talk show in the works. She says it hasn’t been picked up by a network yet, but that it’s ready to go. Dina says, “I love to talk, Lindsay’s friends call me ‘The White Oprah’ because they all come to me with their problems. I’m like the mom of these kids in the business!”

Yes, we can all see how great Lindsay has turned out. Hopefully we can have a country of children just like her someday.


Paris Hilton Bitten By Illegal Pet Kinkajou

August 10, 2006

Paris Hilton and Baby Luv

It’s been reported that Paris Hilton’s pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, sent his celebutante owner to the hospital after biting her in the arm. Paris was released a few hours later after receiving a tetanus shot.

Although we’ve been unable to contact Baby Luv’s publicist, we at Showbiz Stupidity can only assume this was a suicide attempt. The intelligent kinkajou was hoping to infect himself with whatever assorted diseases that happened to be coursing through Paris’ body at that moment.

Sources say that although he was unsuccessful this time, his next attempt will be to suffocate himself in Paris’ ass-goiter.

Source: E! News


Uncle Rico Road Rage Links

August 10, 2006

Uncle RicoUncle Rico Arrested: “Grandma said she doesn’t want you here when she gets back because you’ve been getting arrested for road rage and eating all our steak.” (TMZ)

Linsday Lohan Flashes Panties: Paris Hilton reportedly asks, “What are those?” (Egotastic)

Jack Black To Host VMA’s: He’s prepping by doing push-ups. I think you know what kind. (MTV News)

M. Night Shyamalan Defends Mel: Gibson still refuses to pay $10 to see “Lady in the Water” (Contact Music)

MC Hammer Is Back: Why Scott Storch… why? (XXLMag via BWE)

Jay-Z Rallies For Clean Water: Kids say they’d rather have Cristal (NY Daily News)

“Lost” Star Called Metrosexual and Flamboyant: Insert your own “hatch” or “Others” joke here. (StarPulse)


Screech Gets Mugged… By A Woman In Nebraska

August 10, 2006

Screech ToplessDustin “I’m Never Going To Be Called Anything But Screech” Diamond admits he was mugged by a woman after a comedy show in Omaha, Nebraska.

The woman attacked him at his hotel and started looking through his bags for money. When he tried to stop her, she yelled “Rape!” Unable to find any cash, she instead stole Screech’s PSP games. He says, “I’m a big gamer and you don’t mess with the D-man’s videogames.”

The Omaha police say no charges were filed because the incident was “a case of he said, she said.” Luckily Screech was able to get his video games back. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for his dignity.

Source: E! News


Rules You Must Follow To Meet Suri Cruise

August 10, 2006

Tom and KatieAccording to a British report, Tom Cruise has invited Victoria and David Beckham to meet baby Suri. A source says “David and Victoria are honored that Tom and Katie have asked them along. However they were a little shocked by the list of rules they’ll have to follow.”

Apparently for the privilege to meet baby Suri, you have to abide by the following rules:

1. No photographic equipment.
2. No touching Suri.
3. No baby-talk around Suri.

I do, however, think that Tomkat forgot to mention the three most important rules:

1. Do not let Suri near bright light.
2. Do not get Suri wet.
3. Do not feed Suri after midnight.

Source: Female First


Sean Preston Responds To Esquire

August 10, 2006

US Weekly reported today that Esquire magazine has named Britney and K-Fed’s son, Sean Preston, as the “Worst Dressed Man in the World.” Okay, I’m all for ripping on Britney and K-Fed, but this seems a little much. Luckily we were able to get a statement from Sean P himself.

Sean Preston Responds

Sean P. says, “Look, I’m like one year old and in case you didn’t notice, I can’t really dress myself. How do you expect me to look when I have two of the world’s trashiest people picking out my clothes? I’d like to present to the public, Exhibits ‘A’ and ‘B’. Like I’ve always said, ‘If my parents dress like s–t, then you must acquit.'”

Kevin FederlineBritney Spears