Paris Hilton’s Album Brings A Tear To Her Lazy Eye

August 22, 2006

Paris Hilton Cries Because Her Album Is So Good

Paris Hilton actually has the gall to brag about how good her new album, Paris, is.

“I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it’s so good.”

She goes on to tell the new issue of Blender magazine that her persona is all an act.

“I’m always playing a character. I don’t talk like this really — like a baby. I don’t act like myself in public, because I don’t really want to show everyone the real me. Because I have no privacy whatsoever, the only thing I have is who I really am.”

So you heard it from Paris. She’s always playing a character. A slutty character.  Who doesn’t wear underwear.  And has an ass goiter.

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“Lost” Star Disses Paris Hilton

August 17, 2006

Paris Hilton

Evangeline Lilly, better known as Kate on ABC’s “Lost”, doesn’t have anything nice to say about Paris Hilton. The former dating hotline star says:

“[I need to help people or I’d be] no better than the Paris Hiltons of the world, waltzing around with their Louis Vuitton bags and their little dogs.

Those people couldn’t give a rat’s ass if somebody was starving in the street next to them.”

I find it a bit ironic since Paris Hilton recently told E! News that “Lost” was one of her favorite TV shows.

Via Egotastic


Return Of The Firecrotch Controversy

August 14, 2006

Lindsay Lohan

Just when Lindsay Lohan’s crotch thought it was out of the spotlight, here we are writing about it again.

It seems that Paris Hilton has decided that she and her friends didn’t get enough mileage out of the incident where Brandon Davis called Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch. They’ve done it again, only this time it’s music producer Scott Storch spouting off about Lindsay’s fiery nether-regions.

Watch the paparazzi video at tmz.com


Paris Hilton Bitten By Illegal Pet Kinkajou

August 10, 2006

Paris Hilton and Baby Luv

It’s been reported that Paris Hilton’s pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, sent his celebutante owner to the hospital after biting her in the arm. Paris was released a few hours later after receiving a tetanus shot.

Although we’ve been unable to contact Baby Luv’s publicist, we at Showbiz Stupidity can only assume this was a suicide attempt. The intelligent kinkajou was hoping to infect himself with whatever assorted diseases that happened to be coursing through Paris’ body at that moment.

Sources say that although he was unsuccessful this time, his next attempt will be to suffocate himself in Paris’ ass-goiter.

Source: E! News


Paris Hilton Is Celibate

August 6, 2006

Highlights of Paris Hilton’s interview with the British edition of GQ magazine.

Paris on sex: “I’ve only done it with, like, a couple of boyfriends. People think I sleep with everyone, but I’m not like that. I like kissing, but that’s all I do. I’m not having sex for a year, I’ve decided. I’ll kiss but nothing else.”

Paris on her sex tape: “I never received a dime from it. It’s just dirty money and he should give it all to some charity for the sexually abused or something.”

Paris relates to Princess Di: “I’ve been in cars trying to get away from speeding paparazzi before and it’s horrible, so I can relate to Diana and the problems she had.”

Paris on Tony Blair: “Who? … Oh, yeah, he’s like your president. I don’t know what he looks like.”

Paris on why she loves doing appearances in Austria: “Because they pay me $1 million to wave at crowds!”

Paris on why she’s better than J-Lo: “I’ve made, like, $200 million dollars in the last year, while J-Lo’s only made $150 million dollars.”