John Mayer Has A Dark, Small Penis

September 8, 2006

John Mayer

Do you know that little voice inside your head who stops you from saying things you shouldn’t? Apparently John Mayer doesn’t have that voice. Excerpts from John Mayer’s Rolling Stone interview, via US Weekly.

On porn:
“I bought myself a Playgirl once. I just loved the feeling that there was a porno you really, really weren’t supposed to have…Not to say I wouldn’t enjoy the energy of watching a guy and girl have sex. I think I’d vomit out of pure arousal. Have you ever seen a guy and girl have sex in person?”

On Brangelina:

“Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left – just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow saying, ‘You greedy motherfucker, I’ve got nothing for you.’”

On being on tour:
“I slept with, like, three girls a week.”

On his private parts:
“I’m not worried about how small my penis is – I’m worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks.”

On the media:
“Everybody right now in the world of entertainment is a pussy. A pussy. They’re all so sensitive. What the fuck happened?”

On press interviews:
“I’m at a point right now where the more I talk, the more I’m going to say something in the next twelve months that’s going to damage my career.”

We couldn’t have said it better, John…

John Mayer Thinks Jessica Simpson Is Desperate

September 6, 2006

Jessica and Joe Simpson

Page Six is reporting that John Mayer has already dumped Jessica Simpson. Last week, People Magazine declared the couple “in love”, but John begs to differ. He thinks that Jessica was using their relationship for publicity. A source tells US Magazine the relationship “was a 2 [that] her camp spun into an 11… [Mayer] thinks it’s desperate… an attempt to stay in the spotlight.”