John Mayer Has A Dark, Small Penis

September 8, 2006

John Mayer

Do you know that little voice inside your head who stops you from saying things you shouldn’t? Apparently John Mayer doesn’t have that voice. Excerpts from John Mayer’s Rolling Stone interview, via US Weekly.

On porn:
“I bought myself a Playgirl once. I just loved the feeling that there was a porno you really, really weren’t supposed to have…Not to say I wouldn’t enjoy the energy of watching a guy and girl have sex. I think I’d vomit out of pure arousal. Have you ever seen a guy and girl have sex in person?”

On Brangelina:

“Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left – just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow saying, ‘You greedy motherfucker, I’ve got nothing for you.’”

On being on tour:
“I slept with, like, three girls a week.”

On his private parts:
“I’m not worried about how small my penis is – I’m worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks.”

On the media:
“Everybody right now in the world of entertainment is a pussy. A pussy. They’re all so sensitive. What the fuck happened?”

On press interviews:
“I’m at a point right now where the more I talk, the more I’m going to say something in the next twelve months that’s going to damage my career.”

We couldn’t have said it better, John…


Lindsay Lohan Likes To Buy Naughty Gifts

August 30, 2006

Lindsay Lohan

As if there was ever any doubt, we now know that Lindsay Lohan is as big of a perv as the rest of us. The actress has supposedly been sending her friends sex toys as gifts. A source tells Britain’s Daily Star:

“Lindsay has been making her female friends laugh by sending them sex toys as she wanted to cheer them up. The latest thing she sent out was an Ann Summers sex toy called the Deluxe Rampant Rabbit. Lindsay thinks they are hilarious. As well as 12 pairs of sexy black thongs, some massage oil and edible underwear she has ordered 12 of the Deluxe Rabbits off the internet.”

Man Has Sex With Paris Hilton, Wisely Scrubs With Tilex

August 29, 2006

The Scoop reports that Paris Hilton is pissed at Deadsy singer Elijah Blue Allman, who told Howard Stern about having sex with her before she was famous.

Blue, the son of Cher, admitted he was so worried about catching a STD from Paris that he scrubbed his genitals with Tilex.

If Tilex were smart, they’d jump on this right away:

Paris Hilton Tilex Ad

Paris Hilton’s Lesson On Oral Sex

August 23, 2006

Paris Hilton Acne

As hard as it may be to believe, Paris Hilton was once naive about sex. The skanky celebutante tells Blender magazine the motherly advice she got on oral sex:

“My mom told me that you get those holes in your face, craters – she knew this person who had craters. I’m like, ‘What is that from?’ She’s like, from giving blow jobs.” “I’m like, ‘You get craters?’ And I totally believed her. She’s like, ‘It’s from sucking.’ I’m like, ‘Ewwww!’ I told my boyfriend – he’s like, ‘Why don’t you ever do that?’ I’m like, ‘Because my mom told me you get these craters.’ And he’s like, ‘Paris, you’re 19. You’re allowed to do this.’”

Jessica Simpson Pregnancy Scare

August 16, 2006

Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson

The National Enquirer is reporting that Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook had a pregnancy scare. The mag claims that a frightened Jessica secretly took an at-home pregnancy test, which turned out to be negative.

“She definitely took an early pregnancy test and, knowing Jessica, she must have been freaking out,” a Hollywood insider revealed.

“Jessica is a good girl – and a surprise pregnancy isn’t something she could go to her agent or her parents about. And of course she no longer has Nick to confide in.”

Alicia Keys’ Boyfriend Forced To Wait For Sex

August 15, 2006

Alicia Keys

StarPulse is reporting that Alicia Keys made boyfriend Kerry ‘Krucial’ Brothers wait a year to have sex with her. She says “I made him wait a year because my body is too beautiful to be violated by someone who doesn’t deserve it.”