Regular posting returns next week… still in the process of moving and haven’t had a chance to post daily. Thanks for your patience, I love you all!

Do you know that little voice inside your head who stops you from saying things you shouldn’t? Apparently John Mayer doesn’t have that voice. Excerpts from John Mayer’s Rolling Stone interview, via US Weekly.

On porn:
“I bought myself a Playgirl once. I just loved the feeling that there was a porno you really, really weren’t supposed to have…Not to say I wouldn’t enjoy the energy of watching a guy and girl have sex. I think I’d vomit out of pure arousal. Have you ever seen a guy and girl have sex in person?”

On Brangelina:
“Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left – just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow saying, ‘You greedy motherfucker, I’ve got nothing for you.’”

On being on tour:
“I slept with, like, three girls a week.”

On his private parts:
“I’m not worried about how small my penis is – I’m worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks.”

On the media:
“Everybody right now in the world of entertainment is a pussy. A pussy. They’re all so sensitive. What the fuck happened?”

On press interviews:
“I’m at a point right now where the more I talk, the more I’m going to say something in the next twelve months that’s going to damage my career.”

We couldn’t have said it better, John…

America’s favorite amateur porn star pulled a Mel Gibson last night. Well, minus that whole anti-Semitic tirade thing. Paris Hilton was pulled over for driving erratically in her Mercedes Benz McLaren SLR. She ended up blowing a .08 and getting booked for DUI. Paris was released on her own recognizance and the city attorney has yet to decide if she’ll be charged.

Paris called into Ryan Seacrest this morning to defend herself, saying that she only had one margarita and was driving fast because she “was really hungry” and wanted an In-N-Out Burger. She says the police were trying to make a statement because they were surrounded by paparazzi.

And, as always, TMZ has video.

Page Six is reporting that John Mayer has already dumped Jessica Simpson. Last week, People Magazine declared the couple “in love”, but John begs to differ. He thinks that Jessica was using their relationship for publicity. A source tells US Magazine the relationship “was a 2 [that] her camp spun into an 11… [Mayer] thinks it’s desperate… an attempt to stay in the spotlight.”

On the left: The sad clown. On the right: Paris Hilton crying after she and Brandon Davis were turned away from nightclub Bungalow 8.

More pics at wwtdd.com.

Holy crap, she exists! Tonight, on her first night hosting the CBS Evening News, Katie Couric showed us the new pictures of Suri Cruise in Vanity Fair:

More pics after the jump.

If you haven’t heard this song yet, you must! It’s from a band called The OK Go Away Paris Hilton Apparatus! and it’s my favorite new song of the summer. Listen to it here.

A Showbiz Stupidity interview with the creator of this musical masterpiece, Mr. Smith, after the jump!

Showbiz Stupidity: Paris Hilton bothers a lot of people, but few are inspired enough to record a song about her. What exactly is it about Paris that caused the formation of “The OK Go Away Paris Hilton Apparatus”?

Mr. Smith: I just can’t stand her, and it finally reached the point where I thought I would write a song about how much I can’t stand her! Did I mention that I can’t stand her? I think my song speaks for most of America as well!

SS: Have you heard Paris’ new album? As a musician, what does it feel like to open up Billboard and see that Paris Hilton’s album came in at #6, “the highest debut for a new solo female pop artist this year”?

MS: I think it should have debuted at #1. With the money she spent on that album, I think it is inexcusable that it didn’t do better. If I had that amount of money to put into an album, it would debut at #1.

SS: Will there be a follow-up song or will your inaugural hit be the only one? Are you planning on lampooning other celebrities or is Paris the only one?

MS: Sad to say, this will probably be my only song before I vanish into obscurity. But watch out, Lindsay Lohan, ’cause you’ve become almost as annoying as Paris!

SS: If Paris would happen to read this interview, what would you like to say to her?

MS: I’ll bet you your family fortune that you can’t go on live TV and perform any of the songs on your album without pulling an Ashlee Simpson.

SS: Finally, if you had to choose between spending a day with Paris Hilton or getting stabbed in the testes with a rusty nail, which would it be?

MS: Nail, please, and fast.

We want to thank Mr. Smith for taking the time to chat with us today and be sure to support The Go Away Paris Hilton Apparatus!, or get a “Go Away Paris” t-shirt here.

From the genius artist who brought us “Naked Britney on a Bearskin Rug”, it’s a bronze sculpture of Suri Cruise’s poop. E! News reports:

“Babies mostly breast-feed for the first four months, so a baby’s first meal of solid food may be a baby’s first meal at the dinner table,” said David Kesting, director of Capla Kesting Fine Art, located in Brooklyn’s Williamsburg gallery district. “A bronzed cast of baby’s first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family.”

If you want, you can actually buy this and put it on your mantle or whatever it is you’d do with bronzed baby poo. Check out this website for details.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I just thought you might like to see it:

Source: National Enquirer via ONTD

As if there was ever any doubt, we now know that Lindsay Lohan is as big of a perv as the rest of us. The actress has supposedly been sending her friends sex toys as gifts. A source tells Britain’s Daily Star:

“Lindsay has been making her female friends laugh by sending them sex toys as she wanted to cheer them up. The latest thing she sent out was an Ann Summers sex toy called the Deluxe Rampant Rabbit. Lindsay thinks they are hilarious. As well as 12 pairs of sexy black thongs, some massage oil and edible underwear she has ordered 12 of the Deluxe Rabbits off the internet.”