I’m Not Dead

Regular posting returns next week… still in the process of moving and haven’t had a chance to post daily. Thanks for your patience, I love you all!

Lindsay Lohan Sideboob Links

Lindsay Lohan Shows Off Her Sideboob: Boy, she really grinds my gears. (Splash News)

Boy George Picks Up Garbage: Still not as embarrassing as Rosie O’Donnell’s “Taboo”. (Yahoo News)

Matt Lauer and wife expecting third child: Tom Cruise offers to help with any postpartum depression. (People)

Kate Hudson divorcing Chris Robinson: Divorce papers cite something about that Dupree guy living on their couch. (People)

Dancing With The Stars cast announced: For those who thought Jerry Springer couldn’t get any lower. (Reality Blurred)

Christina Aguilera Wants To Do Halle Berry: In return, Jordan Bratman officially signs his soul over to Satan. (Female First)

Kate Bosworth Has Nipples

Well, we know she has one, at least.

Check out the uncensored pictures at x17online.com

Uncle Rico Road Rage Links

Uncle Rico Arrested: “Grandma said she doesn’t want you here when she gets back because you’ve been getting arrested for road rage and eating all our steak.” (TMZ)

Linsday Lohan Flashes Panties: Paris Hilton reportedly asks, “What are those?” (Egotastic)

Jack Black To Host VMA’s: He’s prepping by doing push-ups. I think you know what kind. (MTV News)

M. Night Shyamalan Defends Mel: Gibson still refuses to pay $10 to see “Lady in the Water” (Contact Music)

MC Hammer Is Back: Why Scott Storch… why? (XXLMag via BWE)

Jay-Z Rallies For Clean Water: Kids say they’d rather have Cristal (NY Daily News)

“Lost” Star Called Metrosexual and Flamboyant: Insert your own “hatch” or “Others” joke here. (StarPulse)

Screech Gets Mugged… By A Woman In Nebraska

Dustin “I’m Never Going To Be Called Anything But Screech” Diamond admits he was mugged by a woman after a comedy show in Omaha, Nebraska.

The woman attacked him at his hotel and started looking through his bags for money. When he tried to stop her, she yelled “Rape!” Unable to find any cash, she instead stole Screech’s PSP games. He says, “I’m a big gamer and you don’t mess with the D-man’s videogames.”

The Omaha police say no charges were filed because the incident was “a case of he said, she said.” Luckily Screech was able to get his video games back. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for his dignity.

Source: E! News

Guess Who Looks Like A Beached Whale

Who is this mystery tubbo?

The answer after the jump…

The Hoff Wants Kate Beckinsale

I’m sure it surprises no one that newly divorced David Hasselhoff is already on the prowl.

The Hoffster says, “I’m looking for a woman who’s more famous than me. Kate Beckinsale. I whispered in her ear the other day on the red carpet, ‘I’ll give you everything I have.’ She just laughed. But, you know, when she met me she seemed very excited. But she’s happily married, so nothing’s going to happen.”

Source: Star Pulse

Quote Of The Day

“My cat is incredible. He just hits the redial button and they just hear purring at the other end. So I have to grab the phone and tell them it’s my pussy.”

As soon as you’re done giggling, find out who said it after the jump…

Someone Actually Made A Mel Gibson Ringtone

OK, it’s official. The whole Mel Gibson arrest is worn out. Some company named Oasys Mobile is trying to get publicity by releasing a drunken Mel Gibson ringtone. I don’t think it’s particularly funny or creative, but I’ll let you judge for yourself. I do notice that they decided not to include any Jewish references.

The company does tell MSNBC’s The Scoop that they plan on releasing an entire line of celebrity scandal ringtones. Oasys spokeswoman Gina Torres says, “We’re looking towards doing something with Lindsay Lohan. We’re waiting until she gets hospitalized again and then we’re going to have the sound of an ambulance siren in the background and this husky-voiced Lohan sound-alike blaming it on dehydration. She’s already been hospitalized three times this year, so we figure we won’t have to wait long.”

Source: The Scoop

John Travolta Isn’t Man Enough For “Dallas”

An interesting theory from this morning’s Page Six: J-Lo might have quit “Dallas” because of leading man John Travolta. Travolta’s set to play J.R. Ewing, but an “insider” says:

“The script sucks. And John Travolta? If it had been a man’s man like Ed Harris or Tommy Lee Jones… but you don’t just go from doing ‘Hairspray’ to ‘Dallas.’ “

Colin Farrell Lasts 10 Seconds

According to a 24-year-old woman who claims to have had sex with Colin Farrell, he isn’t that great in the sack.

Angelique Jerome, who happens to be Woody Allen’s au pair, was less than impressed when three sexual encounters added up to total 10 minutes. The 24-year-old had this to say about Colin in bed:

“He has a great body and a charm that any woman would kill for. But he’s all talk. Between the sheets, he is a let-down with only half a baguette in his lunchbox, if you know what I mean. He comes across as a tiger on screen, but behind closed doors he’s as wild as Mickey Mouse.

He kept saying ‘C’est bon (it’s good), you’re beautiful, c’est bon’. He sounded like James Blunt.

Once he’d got what he fancied - in about 10 seconds flat - he just wanted to go to sleep.

We made love three times but the actual sex only lasted 10 minutes in total. At one point he lifted me up and carried me to one side of the bed so we were both looking in his full-ength mirror. He said, ‘Look how beautiful you are’.

To be fair, he did try and give me pleasure, kissing me all down my body - but his heart wasn’t really in it. I kept having to fake orgasms - one, two, three - to keep him happy and let him keep his dignity. It seemed the polite thing to do.”

Source: Sunday Mirror

More OJ Than You Can Shake a Bloody Glove At

Apparently there’s a large number of the population who just can’t get enough of OJ Simpson. Luckily, the website JudgeOJ.com launched today. While bored at work, you can watch video clips of OJ talking about drug use, dancing with hotties and giving sexual advice.

Quote Of The Day

“I have no time for people who moan about the fact they are beautiful. I can’t be interested in women like that. When I’m at home I look like a wild monkey.”

Find out who said it after the jump…