Paris Hilton Arrested For DUI

America’s favorite amateur porn star pulled a Mel Gibson last night. Well, minus that whole anti-Semitic tirade thing. Paris Hilton was pulled over for driving erratically in her Mercedes Benz McLaren SLR. She ended up blowing a .08 and getting booked for DUI. Paris was released on her own recognizance and the city attorney has yet to decide if she’ll be charged.

Paris called into Ryan Seacrest this morning to defend herself, saying that she only had one margarita and was driving fast because she “was really hungry” and wanted an In-N-Out Burger. She says the police were trying to make a statement because they were surrounded by paparazzi.

And, as always, TMZ has video.

Paris Hilton Is A Sad Clown

On the left: The sad clown. On the right: Paris Hilton crying after she and Brandon Davis were turned away from nightclub Bungalow 8.

More pics at wwtdd.com.

The Best New Song Of The Year

If you haven’t heard this song yet, you must! It’s from a band called The OK Go Away Paris Hilton Apparatus! and it’s my favorite new song of the summer. Listen to it here.

A Showbiz Stupidity interview with the creator of this musical masterpiece, Mr. Smith, after the jump!

Paris Hilton Wants To Be Lance Bass

The Sunday Mirror is reporting that Paris Hilton is actually planning on traveling into space. Paris has plopped down $195,000 to be a passenger on Richard Branson’s Virgin Enterprise rocket, which hasn’t even been built yet.

A source tells the tabloid, “She was a fan of the Star Wars films and the idea of blasting into space thrills her, but I don’t think she’s done the research - the reality may not be her idea of fun.”

What research is the source speaking of? Apparently because there are no toilets on the rocket, Paris will be forced to wear a diaper. No word yet on if her assistant will be forced to change it.

Man Has Sex With Paris Hilton, Wisely Scrubs With Tilex

The Scoop reports that Paris Hilton is pissed at Deadsy singer Elijah Blue Allman, who told Howard Stern about having sex with her before she was famous.

Blue, the son of Cher, admitted he was so worried about catching a STD from Paris that he scrubbed his genitals with Tilex.

If Tilex were smart, they’d jump on this right away:

Paris Hilton Hacks Lindsay Lohan’s Voicemail

Spoofcard, a company that sells phone cards to change the phone number displayed on caller IDs, has terminated Paris Hilton’s account because she was using it to hack into other people’s voicemail.

TMZ spoke to SpoofCard attorney Mark Del Bianco:

“Paris was entering unauthorized [voice] mail boxes.” When asked about Lindsay, he told us, “A number of the 50 persons [who were canceled by Spoofcard] were making unauthorized entrances to Miss Lohan’s voice mail.” A source close to the scandal also told TMZ that Nicky Hilton and Paris’ ex-boyfriend Stavros Niarchos may have been involved.

Paris Hilton’s Lesson On Oral Sex

As hard as it may be to believe, Paris Hilton was once naive about sex. The skanky celebutante tells Blender magazine the motherly advice she got on oral sex:

“My mom told me that you get those holes in your face, craters – she knew this person who had craters. I’m like, ‘What is that from?’ She’s like, from giving blow jobs.” “I’m like, ‘You get craters?’ And I totally believed her. She’s like, ‘It’s from sucking.’ I’m like, ‘Ewwww!’ I told my boyfriend – he’s like, ‘Why don’t you ever do that?’ I’m like, ‘Because my mom told me you get these craters.’ And he’s like, ‘Paris, you’re 19. You’re allowed to do this.’”

Paris Hilton’s Album Brings A Tear To Her Lazy Eye

Paris Hilton actually has the gall to brag about how good her new album, Paris, is.

“I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it’s so good.”

She goes on to tell the new issue of Blender magazine that her persona is all an act.

“I’m always playing a character. I don’t talk like this really — like a baby. I don’t act like myself in public, because I don’t really want to show everyone the real me. Because I have no privacy whatsoever, the only thing I have is who I really am.”

So you heard it from Paris. She’s always playing a character. A slutty character.  Who doesn’t wear underwear.  And has an ass goiter.

“Lost” Star Disses Paris Hilton

Evangeline Lilly, better known as Kate on ABC’s “Lost”, doesn’t have anything nice to say about Paris Hilton. The former dating hotline star says:

“[I need to help people or I'd be] no better than the Paris Hiltons of the world, waltzing around with their Louis Vuitton bags and their little dogs.

Those people couldn’t give a rat’s ass if somebody was starving in the street next to them.”

I find it a bit ironic since Paris Hilton recently told E! News that “Lost” was one of her favorite TV shows.

Via Egotastic

Return Of The Firecrotch Controversy

Just when Lindsay Lohan’s crotch thought it was out of the spotlight, here we are writing about it again.

It seems that Paris Hilton has decided that she and her friends didn’t get enough mileage out of the incident where Brandon Davis called Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch. They’ve done it again, only this time it’s music producer Scott Storch spouting off about Lindsay’s fiery nether-regions.

Watch the paparazzi video at tmz.com

Paris Hilton Bitten By Illegal Pet Kinkajou

It’s been reported that Paris Hilton’s pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, sent his celebutante owner to the hospital after biting her in the arm. Paris was released a few hours later after receiving a tetanus shot.

Although we’ve been unable to contact Baby Luv’s publicist, we at Showbiz Stupidity can only assume this was a suicide attempt. The intelligent kinkajou was hoping to infect himself with whatever assorted diseases that happened to be coursing through Paris’ body at that moment.

Sources say that although he was unsuccessful this time, his next attempt will be to suffocate himself in Paris’ ass-goiter.

Source: E! News

Paris Hilton Is Celibate

Highlights of Paris Hilton’s interview with the British edition of GQ magazine.

Paris on sex: “I’ve only done it with, like, a couple of boyfriends. People think I sleep with everyone, but I’m not like that. I like kissing, but that’s all I do. I’m not having sex for a year, I’ve decided. I’ll kiss but nothing else.”

Paris on her sex tape: “I never received a dime from it. It’s just dirty money and he should give it all to some charity for the sexually abused or something.”

Paris relates to Princess Di: “I’ve been in cars trying to get away from speeding paparazzi before and it’s horrible, so I can relate to Diana and the problems she had.”

Paris on Tony Blair: “Who? … Oh, yeah, he’s like your president. I don’t know what he looks like.”

Paris on why she loves doing appearances in Austria: “Because they pay me $1 million to wave at crowds!”

Paris on why she’s better than J-Lo: “I’ve made, like, $200 million dollars in the last year, while J-Lo’s only made $150 million dollars.”